we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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