he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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