Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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