my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize