I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
