The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
