either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
