i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
