Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
