Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize