Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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