You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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