well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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