Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
