are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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