I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize