That's when you crack a 10am beer
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
