i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
