I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
