That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
"it" just moved
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
