you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
