my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
