TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just found a bag of teeth...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
