Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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