You're completely useless in the revolution.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
