I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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