It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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