Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
