I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
