$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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