I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
