ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
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