in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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