sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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