If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
