I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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