Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
