so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize