respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
