hell yes lets make some ravioli
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
