I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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