I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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