My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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