my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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