just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
