We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize