Are we in a gay sports bar?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
