.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
