I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
