i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
