Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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