I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
