I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
