is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
