just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize