You work out of a Hotel?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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