I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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