saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize