He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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