i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just found a bag of teeth...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
