Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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