well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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