There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
