this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We have started to decorate penises.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize