I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
