I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
