Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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