You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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