There was a lot of him and a little penis
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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