everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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